Rhythm & Flow Tennis

2^nd in a series on the psychology of winning

Positive self- esteem is one of the most important and basic qualities of a winning human being. Self-esteem is that deep down feeling of your own worth. Winners have strong beliefs of self-worth and self-confidence, giving them strong self-esteem. They weren’t necessarily born with these good feelings. However, as with every other habit, they have learned to like themselves through practice.

Some individuals are born with much more going for them at the start – wealthy parents, intelligent parents, beautiful parents, and/or talented parents. Many children in their early years have been encouraged and nurtured by winning parents, outstanding teachers, coaches and friends who gave them early feelings of self-esteem. Perhaps the most important quality of a good parent, and also a good business leader, is the positive encouragement of their children or employees toward the development of self-worth. But some of these children don’t become winners. They are unable to accept themselves or perform effectively in society on their own. This may be because they had so much going for them at the start that they developed no inner drive. Conversely, some children from the most backward, discouraging beginnings have grown into outstanding Winners and top achievers. Out of adversity can come greatness.

When we examine Losers and low achievers, low self-esteem seems to be at the root of their problems. As we were growing up, many of us played an inferior role to the adults in our lives. We were told what to do and what not to do. We were constantly reminded of our shortcomings in phrases such as: “Children should be seen and not heard”. This bombardment can take its toll. If practiced continually, the individual’s self-worth suffers. Replacing a low self-esteem with a high one takes a huge effort.

Scientists studied a native tribe in South America whose members had been dying prematurely of a strange malady for many generations. It was finally discovered that the disease was caused by the bite of an insect that lived in the walls of their homes. Tribe members were offered several possible solutions. They could destroy the insects with insecticide. They could rebuild their homes or move to another area where there are no such insects. However, they chose to remain as they were, and to die early just as they have done for many generations, choosing the path of least resistance and no change.

Many people have the same attitude towards personal development. On one hand they know learning can bring about change, but on the other hand they resist change. They know many people have overcome enormous obstacles to become great, but they can’t imagine it happening to them. Instead, they resign themselves to be the “also-rans” in life wishing and envying away their lives. These low achievers are controlled by external standards set by others. They often set their sights too high and are unrealistic to begin with and as they fail to reach their goals again and again, these failures become set in their self-images as targets of their own.

It’s a well- known psychological fact that people who become offended the easiest have low self-esteem. It is the person who feels undeserving, doubts his own capabilities, and has a poor opinion of himself who becomes jealous at the drop of a hat. Jealousy, which is the scourge of many marriages, is nearly always caused by self- doubt. The person with adequate self-esteem doesn’t feel hostile towards others, isn’t out to prove anything, can see facts more clearly, and isn’t demanding in his claims on other people. There is a growing tendency today to display an array of expensive possessions. This concentration on status symbols is more likely to say to others that the owner is lacking self-esteem, rather than he is rich.

To establish true self-esteem, you must concentrate on your successes. Look at failures and negatives in your life only as corrective feedback to get on target again. Instead of comparing ourselves to others we should view ourselves in terms of our own abilities, interests and goals. The winner accepts himself just as he is at the moment. Self-acceptance is one of the most important aspects of self-esteem. Almost without exception, the real Winner, whether in sports, business or any other activity of life, has accepted their own uniqueness. They feel comfortable with their image and are willing to have others know and accept them for who they really are.

Scientific research offers amazing evidence of the power that words and images can have on bodily functions. Since thoughts can raise and lower body temperature, relax muscles, dilate and constrict arteries, and raise and lower pulse rate, it is obvious that we need to control the language we use on ourselves. That’s why Winners rarely put themselves down. Perhaps the most important key to the permanent enhancement of self-esteem is the practice of positive self-talk. We must feed our subconscious positive thoughts about ourselves so relentlessly that our self-images are, in time, modified to conform to a new, higher standard.

Positive self-esteem…one of the most important qualities of a Winner.