Rhythm & Flow Tennis

3rd in a series on the psychology of winning

Winners make it happen.  Losers let it happen. The true meaning of self-control is often misunderstood. Many people interpret self-control as “getting a good grip on yourself”, or “remaining cool under pressure”. Self-control as it relates to the Psychology of Winning is synonymous with self-determination.

Winners take full responsibility for determining their actions in their own lives. They believe life is a do-it-yourself program. Many people believe that fate and luck or possibly their astrological sign have shaped the outcome of their lives. People who feel that life is mostly determined by circumstance, predestination, or being at the right place at the right time are more likely to give in to doubt and fear than those who take responsibility for their lives and actions.

All individuals are who they are and where they are as a composite result of their own doing. Yes, we are all God created, but we are also self-molded. Although our innate characteristics and environments are given to us initially, the decisions we make determine whether we win or lose our particular game of life. Voltaire likened life to a game of cards. Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But, once they have been dealt a hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.

Whether you’re a nurse or a prostitute, a drug pusher or a teacher, a bum on skid row or a happy individual, you take the credit or the blame for your place in life. You took over control of your life from your parents when you were very young and have been in the driver’s seat ever since. Many people, including me, never realize until they’re in their thirties or forties that they are behind the wheel in their lives. We think it’s the government, predestination, inflation or heritage.

Children take control of their own lives very early on. Unfortunately, many of them also learn to control their parent’s lives. Whining receives attention. Crying receives consolation. There is a disturbing trend among young parents today to be at the mercy of their babies and little tots.

I know a couple, both graduates from one of our major universities, who have so little control over their five year-old, that in order to get them to bed while I was visiting, they put M & M’s on the stairs so he would eat himself to his bedroom on the second floor. Parents who subordinate their lives to their children, regardless of age, are irresponsible. They will find that their children will have difficulty later in life facing the realities and responsibilities of life outside the demand system they enjoy at home.

The winning human realizes that everything in life is volitional. Everything in life you decide to do there is nothing you have to do. You don’t have to work, pay taxes, have babies, or even get up in the morning. You decide to do things because they are profitable to you and the best choice among the alternatives available to help you along towards your goals. John Gardner says: “Winning individuals do not leave the development of their potential to chance. They pursue it systematically”. Famed anthropologist-sociologist, Margaret Mead, in her most recent book calls “personal responsibility” our most important evolution, and the notion that we are the product of our environment “our biggest sin”.

Taking control of ourselves means taking the responsibility for making the best use of what we have: our minds; our talents and our developed abilities; and the precious little time we have to spend on living. The choice is ours. It is here that personal honesty and responsibility determine whether we will win or lose our Superbowl of Life.

Earl Nightingale, in his radio broadcasts and writing, reminded us of one of the great natural laws of the universe: the Law of Cause and Effect. For every cause, there will be an effect nearly equal in intensity. If we make good use of our minds, skills and talents, this will become illustrated in our outer lives.

Years ago, I was working with the son of a famous sports psychologist, Dr. Bob Rotella. Dr. Rotella said something to me during the lesson that really resonated: “Most people play tennis just like the game of life. They train and play to get by. The champions play tennis and the game of life to play great.” When I asked him to elaborate on that statement, he said: “The biggest mistake most people make in playing the game of life is ignoring the fact that their lives will also eventually arrive at match point. Ignoring the fact that you’re going to die is detrimental to your enjoyment of life”.

You are and have always been in the driver’s seat of your own life. Learn to play the game of life to play great, not to get by.